So in about a week, I'll be 40 years old. It's been quite a ride so far - I remember the days when I was much more vibrant and my site slogan was I AM THE FUTURE. Most of the people who followed my posts know way back when I was running TNTSMS.COM that I was a bit emo. Then when I started this website, things were a little less emo but my posts could have offended some (or maybe many). There was one post that was scary because a little after I wrote that post, my dad died a really agonizing death - the post was written before it but it somehow became true. That's why I stopped posting about my thoughts.

Today, I decided I'd write about something less scary but something that impacted on my life. It was one of the birthdays I was a bit disappointed for and that disappointment led me to the title of this post - why I don't ask for large birthday gatherings on my birthday.

So my family had organized the rest of family to come together to celebrate my birthday when I was younger (probably in my early 20s). There was someone that was fairly close to me in the family that spoke and I was expecting that person to say good things about me but they barely scratched the clear coating of the surface. I was disappointed not because I wanted recognition - it was just one of those personal disappointments. When you realize that it's more important for someone to take the lime light on your birthday - it really shows you what human beings are capable of doing and how large their egos are. The one day it was okay for someone to say something good about me that I can truly accept without feeling guilty about letting it go to my ego is my birthday - that's how I feel about birthdays - that's how I feel about any other day other than my birthday.

Now since then, there was one occassion where I was surprised thanks to my wife and mom and family and that was in church - it was nice to be appreciated but I do remember that in church, it's really supposed to be about God - this is why I don't ask for the church to celebrate my birthday because I don't want to take appreciation for what God should be appreciated for.

So what I'm saying is that it's more of a choice now, yes it would be nice to hear people say good things about me but if that's not going to happen, then it defeats the point of celebrating my birthday with the company of like a whole bunch of people, rather to just celebrate it with the people I'm fairly certain can see something good in me.

If you don't agree with how I think and feel, hey, you do you in this case. If you know what I mean, then you know what I mean otherwise.